you let me violate you, you let me desecrate
you
you let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
Adam still has that fucker Nathan writhing on his cock and sucking on his finger, and instead of throwing the manipulative whore off of him, he’s reaching his south paw around and jerking the man like a well behaved asshole.
What does that say about him?
Pushing Nathan down onto his stomach and digging in deep with nails and cock, Adam fuels the fuck with all the bitter hate that’s inside of him, that’s just about ready to spill out of every pore.
James wets his lips and he’s so close now it’s like Adam can breathe him in. So close but so far. (Not far enough.) So close that he can’t help himself from leaning in and tasting; licking at spit and bloodied skin and a tingle that screams of badness and explains pin-point pupils and flushed skin.
help me I broke apart my insides, help me
I’ve got no
s oul to tell
help me the only thing that works for me, help me get
away from myself
“You keep hurting me,” he says, drying James’s swollen lips with his breath then wetting that mouth again with kisses.
“You need it to be able to feel,” James says like he’s explaining some simple math problem. Then he cocks his head to one side and smiles.
Oh fuck, it’s true. Adam feels so much more now than he ever did before.
Slamming in harder, he swells to the wet slapping sounds of sex and ends up buried even deeper. Nathan comes with a howl and Adam slides out and strips off the condom, crawling across the big fun bed towards David and covering himself in fresh rubber. When he sinks inside David’s ass, he swears he can feel all the way through to James and he swallows down the greed and the need and the sin of this whole dirty fucking mess, soaring sky high on second hand coke and first hand sex.
And it’s so fucking good.
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to God
Nathan wriggles his way underneath and Adam knows he’s licking James’s fat cock with long smooth slips of tongue. He has so much intimate knowledge of that mouth, the way it can glide and suck. He has intimate knowledge of all of them and he can remember exactly what they feel like from inside out. From top to bottom.
Adam started off this journey being the man in charge and now he looks from David’s smooth back to James’s arched neck to the happy trail of hair on Nathan’s belly and he doesn’t even know which way up is anymore. But he’s pretty damn sure of who’s lying at the bottom of the pile.
Pulling out of David and gaining a whole lot of satisfaction from the sibilant hiss of disappointment, he nudges the other two men out of the way, then presses James down into the soft cream comforter, covering that skinny body that he loves-loathes so much with his own broader frame, letting their cocks nuzzle, caress each other, firm, gentle, soft, hard, all the things that lovers are supposed to be.
When his lips meet James’s, the man curls into his touch, fingers sliding like grease over his sweaty back, urging him on to do more. Feel more.
“Hate you,” Adam says then dips his tongue into James’s mouth and he doesn’t know which is the biggest lie - the kisses or the words. Not that it matters much.
“Why hate me?” James says with an almost smirk, looking over to where David is slamming his cock inside Fillion’s ass. “Why not them?”
Adam braces himself on both arms and James wraps that lithe little body around him, squirming downwards and taking in all of Adam’s cock with an upward thrust that’s accompanied by a snarl of rightness.
It’s the rightness that kills Adam. “Boreanaz gets off on the fucking,” he says, “And Fillion gets off on the kink. But you? You get off on this whole game and that makes you far worse.”
There’s not a trace of that anger left. Just hard facts.
The fuck is slow, laced with dirty kisses that are even slower and dripping poison. Adam’s making hate to James with every goddamn inch of his body and when Nathan rides that big cock into him, he gets harder. He doesn’t care about being fucked, in fact he needs it and after he’s brought James off with hard strokes of fist, he comes in a fierce rush of understanding. The more they humiliate him, the more he wants it.
After six body shots and a little added buzz, something inside him dies.
“Wanted your ass for so long,” David says as he slams his prick inside.
you can have my isolation, you can have
the hate that
it brings
you can have my absence of faith, you can have my
everything
Adam can cope. He’s not screwing up his job, nor has he messed up that picture perfect family life he’s built for himself. Yet.
Life goes by in this haze of selfish sex, which gets dirtier and nastier and so much more satisfying every time they fuck.
It’s most of the way towards dark when he pulls into the pre-arranged meeting place. The stifling heat makes him antsy and he’s starting to think he’s being played again until he sees a shadowy figure approach the car.
Almost falling out of the door, he launches himself at David and they fight and suck and bite until they’re covered in grass stains and earth and spit. They’re so busy sucking each other off that neither of them notice James arriving.
“Couldn’t wait for it, huh?” asks James as he burrows in closer, wearing that smile that says he knows it all.
They share a kiss around that cock and that works good, making David suck him harder and hum like a motor. Vibrations crackle through Adam and he grips hold of bodies and turns his head just enough so he can slaver over James’s pretty lips and David’s perfect erection at the same time.
By the time Nathan arrives, things have heated up more. James is jerking himself off as his wet tongue crawls down Adam’s spine. Lower. Down. Lower. Licking him softly and making him think all kinds of wonderful things about how good hate can be.
Nathan plays director; pulling James away from Adam and Adam away from David, laughing happily at the ensuing whine as they struggle to get back to the sex. Adam’s the silent one; drifting inside this mist that used to be scarlet with anger and has now softened to crimson. It’s always dark and red.
Each time gets more dangerous. They suck and fuck themselves raw in a pile of half-clothed bodies, not five minutes walk away from a world full of people, and when they finish up and the clock’s ticked around past midnight, they make arrangements for more -- soon -- sooner -- then kiss goodbye with a shared passion for perversion that’s binding them together in an ever tightenig noose.
Tonight, when Adam gets home, he’s covered in stains from men and from the great outdoors; the powder dusted over his skin making him look pallid and ghostlike in the artificial light. She looks through him like he’s not even there. Maybe he isn’t.
help me tear down my reason, help me it’s
your sex I
can smell
help me you make me perfect, help me become somebody
else
Schedules are manipulated so that they often end up in the same city and if anyone’s noticed then nothing’s been said.
Adam finds questions harder and harder to field when Nathan’s sitting next to him. Sometimes he’s so hard by the end of those Q&A sessions he thinks he’s gonna come in his pants.
Joss looks at him strangely afterwards. “Sometimes it’s not just the acting that needs taking back a little,” the man says in a quiet voice. “There’s talk, Adam. Unpretty talk.”
Adam pretends he doesn’t understand and backs away, chewing at his gum and trying not to think what that talk might be about.
“Next time I’ll do you all the way,” says Nathan, smiling at him with those creased up eyes of his and it’s a good enough distraction to let Adam forget all the shit from Joss. He believes every word Fillion says and the shocker is he’s looking forward to it.
They touch each other up in the hotel elevator then race off to another big fun bed that smells of James and David, stripping off and fucking like animals to the background noises coming from the shower.
Adam mounts Nathan, screwing him into the mattress until he’s screaming out half-pained, half-crazy but all ways good. Doesn’t take long for the others to want in on the play and soon Adam has David in his ass and James in his mouth and the salt lemon of tequila shots mixes with the salt lemon of man until he’s out of his fucking brain. Out of his fucking mind.
Sometimes it’s different. Sometimes sex with them is gentler than he ever thought possible. Like now for instance, when he’s lying back and letting them take care of him, licking the sperm away then stroking him with fingers times thirty and tongues times three. As they suck on his toes and kiss their way up to his balls, dreamy is the only word for it.
It ought to be a dream. He wishes it was for everyone’s sake. "Joss says there’s talk,” he says, but James silences him with a kiss.
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
The bolt slides home on the door of his trailer and Adam watches from the couch as James gets naked, slinking out of his shirt and shimmying the pants away from those narrow hips. The man should have been a stripper. Sometimes Adam likes to lick the skin that’s on exhibit through the rips in those jeans. But not tonight.
“Well, don’t you wanna screw me then?” says James with that baby boy pout that invariably gets Adam hard. But not tonight. “I haven’t got for-fucking-ever you know.”
Adam laughs and snorts the pinch of speed from James’s fingers, throwing his head back as the buzz tries to hit home. “You do the work,” he says, stumbling over the words slightly. He’s exhausted; long days of filming and longer nights of fucking are getting to him. There’s an atmosphere everywhere he goes and he’s not quite sure whether it’s real or imaginary.
James drops down to hands and knees, crawling over until he’s in between Adam’s spread legs, nuzzling at the crotch of the suit pants.
“Is this what you need?” he murmurs, looking up at Adam with eyes that are compassionate – brim full of sex and lies. Only thing missing is the videotape and he’s sure Fillion has that covered by now.
“Fuck, yeah.” Slut James is fun. Adam hasn’t had a chance to play with him for a while. Not one on one anyhow.
Tugging the zipper down with his teeth, James flicks open the catch and then works the soft cock out of the boxers with talented lips and tongue. Adam looks down at his flaccid penis with a sense of relief. He was beginning to think he was gonna have to live with a permanent hard on.
“You okay?” asks James in confusion and Adam laughs at the expression on the man’s face.
“Need more than just me to turn you on now?”
Is that little boy hurt expression for real? It never has been before. Nothing about James is ever for real. Sometimes when Adam thinks back over the last two years, he hates himself more than any of them. Hates himself for being so dumb.
“Just tired,” he says, telling the truth because, unlike other people, he can do that. Is he tired of fucking them?
There’s a sigh and he doesn’t know if it comes from him or James, but he doesn’t much care. Letting his head loll back, he closes his eyes and waits to see what happens next.
The sensation of being encased inside James’s mouth is still blissful. The suck is soft yet determined, lips kneading at his cock making it fill and thicken. He wants to stop the world and get the fuck off right now before he ends up feeling stupid or hurtful or used.
“You taste so good.” “Love your cock.” “Missed this, missed you.”
Adam listens to the sweet little lies and they sound pretty to his ears. He’s too shattered to get a decent buzz going and the combination of speed and beej is doing the exact opposite of what it should, lulling him into this sleepy state of 'who gives a fuck.'
When that vacuum mouth goes away, Adam knows he’s supposed to demand more. Instead he just waits quietly, cock pulsing against his belly in a way that’s not even noticeable. He’s numb from an overdose of sex (life.)
“Hey!”
Fingers crawl up his thighs, nails digging in hard in a painful wake-up call that doesn’t work. Numb remember.
“Hey, Adam!”
Half-opening his eyes, he blinks as James winds up in his lap, slicked ready, taking him in, slow and tight and hot like fire. All the while James is watching him like a hawk like he’s waiting for signs of approval.
It’s not just the exhaustion that’s making Adam feel these things. “We could have been good,” he says and for one sad moment he means it.
"We still can." James rides him hard, using every trick in the book to make Adam enjoy it.
And enjoy it Adam does. He may well be on a downslide but it doesn’t mean he can’t appreciate the way the bitch is fucking him. “Except y ou’re nothing but a whore,” he says the corners of his mouth twitching up in a smile.
“Say that again.” James stops. “Say it a-fucking-gain.”
Adam laughs, more than half way out of his mind. “You’re nothing but a crazy screwed up whore who takes cock any way they can get it.”
He comes.
And it’s so fucking good.
you get me closer to God
DONE