There would be fights for years after about whose fault it was, though everyone
secretly thought it was much more likely that Jayne had pissed off the old
wizard with the greying hair and the lightening shaped scar on his forehead,
but nothing could change the fact that on this particular day Jayne Cobb and
Simon Tam had woken up as felines.
Kittens specifically, replete with fuzzy tails and tiny wet noses.
This was particularly worrisome to them, as the moon they were currently stationed on considered fried cat a special delicacy.
“Which one you think is Simon?” Kaylee asks, tilting her head sideways.
Wash squints down at them, and points. “Jayne is the tabby.”
“Cause he’s bigger?”
“Well that, and, see how he keeps biting the other one’s head?”
Simon sighs, and licks his paw. He would have thought the fact that Jayne had already fashioned a weapon out of a toothpick and a glazed cherry would have been the dead giveaway.
“I hope this doesn’t last too long,” Jayne says to him grumpily, while Kaylee pets his head and coos, except that Jayne hasn’t properly mastered cat-speak yet and it comes out; “I candle boot tong”
“Well, this is just fine and dandy,” Mal snits.
“You don’t like cats, sir?” Zoë asks, unable to keep from grinning. She’s dangling a piece of string over them. Simon feels slightly affronted. Just because he’s shaped like a cat doesn’t mean he’s stupid.
Jayne pounces over him, and jumps at the string.
“I’m allergic, actually.” Mal steps over Simon with huge noisy feet. “Can’t we put them somewhere?”
“I can take care of them,” River says, grimacing heroically.
“String string string string string string string string string string string string string string!” Jayne says, now up on his hind legs. Simon gives in to the urge and swats him. River puts out newspaper for them both.
On the second day, Book brings in another cat called Fluffy for company. She’s nice to Jayne, but she bites Simon’s ear and scratches his paw when he tries to talk to her.
Simon sucks at talking to girls, even as a cat.
When Jayne finds Simon cowering under the bed he picks him up by the scruff of his neck and takes him back to River’s room, which now has newspaper covering every last inch. Simon wants to shred it, but Jayne says no, he’ll stay where he ruttin' is, until they’re done. Jayne licks, and rubs, and cleans his head till there is no more blood on his ear.
Simon frowns, but it feels sort of nice so he thinks he’ll put up with it just this once.
On the third day, they’re back to themselves (give or take a few fleas), and everyone is glad, especially Mal, now that he can take the tissues out of his nostrils.
Everything goes back to normal, except well, that sometimes in the night Simon wakes to Jayne licking his hair and pushing his hands into Simon’s back.
Hmmph.
He’ll put up with it just this once.
Feedback Claireweasley