It was warm and sunny, and Mal couldn’t remember a time when he had felt more at peace than this. Lying out in the sun back home had always been one of his favourite ways to pass the time, and now was no different.
He could feel all his cares, all his worries slip father and farther away as he lay on his back and stared at the fluffy clouds, letting his fingers run lightly through the blades of grass at his side.
He didn’t ever want to leave here again.
Somewhere in the distance he heard the rumbling of thunder and he closed his eyes and smiled, not even considering the fact that there wasn’t a rain cloud in the sky…
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Jayne grunted as he kicked the door open, Vera at the ready in case of any nasty surprises.
“Mal?” he whispered harshly as he peered into the darkness of the room.
He frowned when he didn’t get an answer and waited for Zoë to give him the all clear before he moved inside.
He glanced around the room, letting his eyes adjust to the gloom before spinning around as he heard a dull clank of metal from behind the door.
Zoë heard his cry and rushed into the room, shocked to find the big merc on his knees, as she tracked his broken gaze she felt her own knees wobble as she saw what he had found.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Mal finally tired of baking in the sun and decided to take a stroll down to the river, it was so nice to listen to it as it tripped and gurgled its way along, its crystal clean waters sparkling in the sunlight.
For a moment he missed the pinpricks of light in the black, but then he stumbled as pain shot through him; and for a second the river seemed to run red with blood. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers before opening them once more, to see the crystal clear waters returned.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Zoë could barely control her rage as she took point, leading Jayne back to the Mule. The big merc followed carefully behind; Vera slung over his shoulder; all but forgotten as all his attention was centred on the scarily light bundle in his arms.
One of the men they had fought on the way in twitched on the ground, and that was all it took for Zoë to turn and empty the rest of her clip into him.
Jayne didn’t even stop moving.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Mal left his clothes on the bank and stepped into the water, gasping a little at the cold. He didn’t remember it being that cold, but then he didn’t remember the grass being that green; or the sky that blue either. Shrugging mentally at the way the mind works, Mal moved further into the water, towards what he remembered as the deepest part.
Reaching it in a few sure-footed strides; he sighed as he sat down on the silted river bed; the water streaming around him barely reaching his shoulders. He leant back on his arms so that the water reached his neck, and took a deep breath before submerging his head completely.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
If they thought the ride back to the shuttle took a long time, then the flight back to Serenity seemed to take forever, although in reality it was only half an hour, and Zoë felt helpless once more as she glanced back every few seconds to watch as Jayne carefully and delicately tried to stop the bleeding. It was a difficult task, as there were so many places for it to bleed from.
But it was as Jayne carefully turned Mal to tend to a wound on his side that she almost fell apart, as Mal’s body moved and his head lolled over, his sightless gaze boring holes right through to her soul.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Sitting back up with a gasp, Mal shook his head and sent water droplets flying in all directions, creating tiny distortions on the water’s surface before disappearing as if they’d never been.
The thought crossed his mind that River would like this river, before shuddering and clutching his side as pain centered there and the cold seemed to inexplicably get worse.
Standing once more, Mal moved swiftly back to the bank, intent on getting warm in the sun once more.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Simon could barely move as Jayne carried the Captain into the Infirmary. Zoë had said it was bad, but this…
Two massive, blood covered hands grabbed him by the vest and shook him out of his daze.
“Don’t just stand there Doc,” Jayne half yelled, half pleaded, “Fix him gorramit!” The hands left him suddenly and he was pushed towards his patient. Taking a deep breath, Simon closed his eyes and let the calm descend upon him before opening them again to look over the patient with a Doctor’s trained eye.
River appeared beside him, hypodermic gun already in hand and he nodded, turning back to the other members of the crew who were all gathered in behind him.
“I need you all to leave.” He told them, his calm professionalism giving no room for argument. He saw Jayne open his mouth to object and moved over to him, resting his hand on a thickly muscled bicep.
“I will take care of him and do everything I can.” He promised, his steady gaze confirming his words.
Jayne looked at the man in front of him for a moment, his gaze flicking to the man on the operating table before nodding, allowing a shell-shocked and tearful Kaylee to lead him away.
Zoë lingered for a heartbeat longer, meeting Simon’s gaze herself before nodding. “I’ll see to it that we leave this rock.” She told him, before following Wash back to the cockpit.
Simon turned back to Mal's inert form, watching as River calmly closed his eyes.
"He's seeing gold, green and blue, not grey and white." She told him cryptically, before pressing the hypodermic gun to his neck and firing.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Mal raised his hand and slapped at his neck as he felt a bug bite it. 'Gorram bugs.' he thought to himself. Why they couldn't have been left behind on Earth-that-was had always been a mystery to him.
He closed his eyes and smiled as the gentle sound of humming was carried to him by the breeze.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Simon rubbed the back of his hand over his brow, wiping the sweat away from his eyes. River worked beside him, humming softly under her breath as she anticipated every movement and was ready and waiting with each piece of equipment he needed, almost before he needed it. It was strange and unsettling, but Simon didn't question it as he was far more concerned with the Captain's condition.
He had patched up the crew many a time, and seen injuries on many hundreds of patients before that, but he had no idea how Mal was even still breathing, with the amount of damage inflicted on his body.
Simon and River had been working for more than an hour, and yet, despite the patchwork of bandages, Simon feared that he was nowhere near finished.
He glanced at Mal's vitals once more, frowning at the results, and he barely noticed as River set down the cauteriser and slipped out of the Infirmary.
She returned after a few moments with Wash, who looked pale and drawn with stress and worry. He jumped as he took in all the blood and discarded gauze, before allowing River to settle him into a chair by Mal's side.
"Wo de ma" He breathed, watching as River prepared his arm for a transfusion so that Simon only had to take his attention away from Mal for a few seconds. "Is he going to make it?" He asked, unable to tear his gaze away from the eight inch gash in Mal's abdomen.
Simon paused for a moment, looking between Wash and Mal.
"I really don't know." He replied, his own voice rough. "By all rights he shouldn't still be with us..."
"He's not." River spoke as she ran her fingers through Mal's blood coated hair. "He's far, far away from here. Won't be coming back. Not yet."
Silence followed her words before Simon picked up his instruments to start again. "I'm not going to let him die River." He told her firmly.
"Not dead." She replied. "Just gone."
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Mal watched the sun as it slowly vanished behind the mountain range in the East. He had always loved to watch the way the sky turned from blue to purple and orange and black, followed by the tiny pinpricks of light that winked out at him from the darkness.
He reached up a hand and traced the constellations, remembering making up new and rude names with his best friend from his mother's porch.
Shivering as the night brought the cold, Mal stood up and brushed himself off before turning and heading for home.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Simon left River and made his way out of the Infirmary towards the common area, using the bulkheads and doorways to support him. He half stumbled into the living area, where he found all the rest of the crew gathered.
Kaylee stood up and caught him, gently urging him across to the sofa before standing expectantly, waiting for the answer to the question she was too scared to ask.
"Doc?" It was Zoë who spoke first.
"We got to him just in time." Simon replied, tipping his head back and slumping down in exhaustion.
Around him he felt everyone else sigh in relief and relax. He tipped his head over to the side to see Jayne surreptitiously wipe at his eyes.
"What the hell happened to him?" He asked.
Zoë and Jayne looked at each other and shrugged.
"We don't rightly know." Jayne answered. "We were makin' the drop with Renshaw 'n everything was fine, when all a sudden there was an explosion and their Mule just blew up."
Zoë continued. "Me and Jayne were standing slightly back, so we were okay, but Mal was stood nearer to it and was knocked off his feet, banged his head good."
"He managed to roll behind a rock for some cover, but it was crazy with no-one rightly sure who the hell we were shooting at. Then there's these crazy hundan's trying to outflank us and me and Zo had to take care of 'em else we'd be dead. Then they pulled back and it went all silent-like, and Renshaw's men were all dead or dyin', and Mal and Renshaw was nowhere to be seen."
"So how did you find Mal?" Inara asked, confused.
"We went 'n found us one of those that attacked us. He was gutshot, but still able to talk, so we made him." The look in Jayne's eyes was enough for the rest of them to shudder, not wanting to know how he had 'made him' talk.
"Turns out there was another guy, fancied himself a big-shot in those parts, and decided to get himself a piece of the action. Seems he wanted Renshaw out of business, and wanted to send a message to others that he was the top dog round there. Went and took Mal as well to send his message for him." Jayne growled, the barely contained rage burning through him once more.
"Piece of go se wouldn't tell us where he was holed up though, so we had to track them, and we didn't have enough daylight left. We were forced to wait until morning before we could start tracking them, which gave them a serious head-start on us, especially because we were on foot and they weren’t.” Zoë frowned, obviously not liking the delay.
"Took us nigh on two days to find them," Jayne began again, "sitting pretty in a big ranch house. He had a lot of men, and me and Zoë had to go around picking off the sentries all silent-like or else we'd never have got in and out again." He shook his head. "Went through the whole damn house looking for where Mal was stashed, and couldn't find him no-wheres. Found Renshaw though, what was left of him." Inara put an arm around Kaylee as she whimpered at the images that assaulted her mind.
"Jayne figured it out in the end." Zoë told them. "Turned out that there was a hidden door in the basement, with a secret room."
Everyone looked at Jayne who shook his head. "Damn itty bitty basement was smaller than the house on top of it." He told them. "Iffin you're gonna go through the trouble of putting one in, you make it the same size as the rest of the house, else what's the point of building it in the first place?" He shrugged.
"Anyways, so we found the door 'n I kicked it open and went inside, heard a noise off to the side and had a look." He stopped, closing his eyes as the image came back to his mind.
"I thought he was dead." He whispered, his voice shaking.
Zoë reached out a hand to comfort him before picking up the narrative once more. "Mal was out of it, but still breathin' so we got him out and hotwired one of their fancy Mules. Then we got back to the shuttle and back here as soon as we could." She finished.
They all sat in silence digesting what they'd just been told, shuddering as they couldn't help but imagine just what had happened to Mal in those missing two days.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Mal climbed up the ramp into Serenity, smiling and brushing his hand over the cold metal of the hull. He absentmindedly hit the button to close the door behind him, more out of habit than from any fear of danger.
Making his way through his boat, he moved towards the kitchen, smiling as he found freshly brewed hot tea already waiting for him. Pouring himself a cup he went to the bridge, checking automatically that everything was set for the night before retiring to his bunk.
Once there he set the cup down before stripping his clothes off, dropping them in a pile on the floor before settling himself into bed, wrapping the warm covers around him as he leaned against the wall and sipped at his tea.
Finally, he felt sleepy enough to get some rest, and put the cup down on the floor before snuggling down to get some much-needed sleep. Despite the fact that he hadn’t been doing much of anything all day, Mal was tired as hell and slipped easily into sleep.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
"When do you think he's going to wake up Doctor?" Book asked softly.
Simon sighed heavily and rubbed his hands across his face before answering.
"I don't know Shepherd. He lost a lot of blood, and has substantial injuries to his chest, stomach and back. It looks like he was beaten repeatedly..."
"Wanted everyone to know that he was the boss, for everyone to know that he was a man to be feared." River spoke softly as she entered the room.
"Took him because everyone knows who he is, how strong he is. Beat him, whipped him, hot knives and whips of leather. Didn't work though." She whispered.
"Didn't break him, he just hid where he couldn't be found. Now he's lost and he doesn't know it. Can't find the way back if he doesn't even know that he's lost."
"Girl what are you babbling about?" Jayne asked, feeling uncomfortable with her strange words.
"He's lost inside. Far, far away. Won't be coming back." She turned and looked at Simon before flicking her gaze over to Jayne. "Not dead." She echoed her words from earlier. "Just gone."
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Mal shifted in his sleep as his body told him it was time to wake up. He sighed and stretched, opening his eyes and blinking the sleep away.
Rolling over, he reached down and picked up his mug, cupping his hand around the warmth of the fresh hot tea. He drank it slowly, letting his body and mind wake up at their own speed, no need to rush, not like he didn't have all day, before standing and heading off for a long, hot shower.
As he climbed up the ladder to the main deck, the light from the new day filtered in through the bridge viewports, making him smile.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Simon looked over Mal once more, frowning as he checked over the healing wounds. It had been the same thing for days now, once Mal had stabilised. Every day Simon removed the dressings, cleaned the wounds and made every effort to ensure that the scarring was going to be minimal before covering the wounds once more.
Once he was finished, Simon picked up one of Mal's strong hands, carefully manipulating it between his own, working the muscles. Jayne spoke up behind him.
"Whatcha doin' Doc?" He asked, his voice low and dangerous. Simon jumped and turned to face the mercenary, still gently holding Mal's hand.
"I... I'm preventing muscle atrophy." He replied, watching as Jayne frowned.
"Muscle what?"
Simon sighed and signalled for Jayne to come closer.
"You lift weights every day yes?" He asked, watching as Jayne ran surprisingly gentle fingers across the back of Mal's other hand.
"You know I do Doc." Jayne replied. "But what's that got to do with you touching Mal up?"
Simon sighed again before continuing. "By lifting weights you build your strength, build your muscles. If you were to stop lifting the weights, after a while your strength would reduce- that's muscle atrophy." He explained. "The Captain doesn't lift weights like you do, but by walking and moving around, his muscles keep their strength. But because he's not moved for several days, there is a risk that his muscles will weaken, making it more difficult to walk, lift and carry things, to just do the things he has always taken for granted." Simon nodded at Jayne to pick up Mal's other hand as he began the manipulations again.
Jayne watched in fascination as Simon flexed and moved Mal's fingers, his wrist, his arm. Slowly he began to copy, watching Simon's every move as he worked his way around Mal's body.
"By moving the Captain's body like this, it will help to minimise the amount of muscle atrophy that he experiences, so it will be less noticeable and will take less time for him to recover fully." Simon explained; smiling as Jayne's big hands moved deftly across Mal's body in counterpoint to his own.
Jayne nodded in understanding, and the two of them lapsed into silence as they carefully worked their magic on him.
Standing outside the Infirmary unnoticed, River watched them work. "Fixing body good, but not fixing his mind." She muttered to herself before walking off.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Mal pottered around the ship; clearing things and generally making her look tidy. He frowned as he spotted a balled up rag in the cargo bay under the weights, and he sat down on the bench and picked it up.
All at once the musky smell of stale sweat assaulted him and he shuddered, as heat and images of a muscled and sweat-slicked body entered his mind.
Dropping the rag back to the floor, Mal quickly walked away, heading back out into the fresh air.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Zoë walked down towards the Infirmary to check on Mal and to ask Simon if he had seen Jayne. It was nearly time to leave so that they could make the drop, and Jayne wasn't in his bunk sorting his weapons, which was highly unusual.
She stopped short as she spotted Jayne's hulking form through the Infirmary windows gently moving Mal's left leg.
Simon came from the opposite direction and spotted her, quickly realising what had startled her. He caught her eye and urged her back the way she came, following her.
"Doc? What's Jayne doing?" Zoë asked.
"He's helping keep Mal's muscles from atrophying." Simon explained. "He caught me doing it the other week and I showed him how. It only took him a couple of times to get it, and now I don't even need to watch him." Simon shook his head in amazement at how quickly Jayne had picked the complicated movements up.
"He comes down here at least once a day to do it, no matter what. Last time you went on a drop he came straight here afterwards, not even bothering to eat first. He's taken it on as a way to stay close to Mal, and I don't begrudge him a second of it." Simon told her, warning her against intervening.
Zoë sighed and smiled. "He did look kinda cute, concentrating hard like that." She admitted.
Simon laughed softly. "Don't go telling Jayne that, I don't think he'd appreciate it much."
"Probably not Doc. How long's he gonna keep needing to do that for?" Zoë asked.
Simon frowned, all levity gone. "Until Mal wakes up and can do it for himself." He replied.
"Still no sign of him waking?"
Simon frowned and shook his head. "I've done everything I can. All his wounds are healing nicely, there's barely going to be a mark on him with the weaves doing their job, and I've done every test and scan I can think of to check for any neural damage and they all come back negative." He creased his eyebrows together, annoyed at his inability to come up with any answers to the one question they all wanted answered.
"As far as I can tell, there is no medical reason as to why he's still unconscious, or to indicate when he will wake up. If I didn't know better I'd say that he was brain dead." Zoë looked up sharply and he rushed on "But there's definite signs of brain wave activity, and he's breathing unaided; so that can't be it." He brought his hand up and rubbed at his temples to try and ward off the headache he could feel coming.
"It's like he's not there to wake up." He muttered.
"He's gone far away." Zoë whispered.
"You've been listening to River." Simon spoke, frowning again.
"You've gotta admit Doc, it makes a helluva lot of sense." Zoë countered. "When we found him, Mal wasn't unconscious as such, his eyes were still open. When Jayne was treating him in the shuttle Mal's face rolled towards me and I swear that his eyes were open, but no-one was home. It was as if we had his body, but his mind had gone elsewhere."
Simon looked up at her sharply. "River closed his eyes when we were treating him. She said something about him looking at gold and green and blue, not grey and white. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but maybe..." He trailed off as Wash's voice came over the com.
"Zoë, we're about 15 minutes out, you guys better get ready."
Zoë reached a hand out and rested it on Simon's shoulder. "You have a think about it Simon, maybe talk to your sister. She may be touched, but she seems to know a helluva lot about stuff."
Simon nodded and went to turn around when Zoë stopped him once more. "Don't tell Jayne yet." She added in a whisper. Simon turned and spotted the merc headed towards them and he threw a look back at Zoë who shook her head. "Can't afford to get his hopes up yet." She whispered softly before straightening and yelling at Jayne to get his butt in gear.
Jayne didn't answer Zoë, merely nodding in recognition to Simon, before carrying on and heading towards his bunk to pick up his weapons.
Zoë shot one final look at Simon before following Jayne, leaving Simon standing in the corridor alone, speechless.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Mal sighed and stretched his sore muscles, grinning as he felt the pleasant ache in them. It had been a long time since he had been able to go on a run, and he was enjoying every second of it.
He knelt by the edge of the stream, cupping his hands to catch some water before bringing it up to his lips to drink. He closed his eyes and remembered the many occasions when he had run this very route as a child, enjoying the freedom that the long run could bring.
Cupping his hands again, this time Mal used the water to tip over his head, grinning and shaking his head like a dog, sending droplets of water flying in all directions.
He stood up and looked around him at the forest trail, wishing for a moment that one of the others was there to share it with him.
A noise from a bird high in the trees startled him and he grinned, setting off on the trail once more, his long stride quickly leaving the stream behind.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Simon rushed into the Infirmary seconds behind Jayne and Zoë, quickly urging Jayne up onto the table whilst he cut open the sleeve of his t-shirt. He frowned as he saw the bullet's entry wound, but couldn't see a matching exit wound.
"Jayne, the bullet's still in there, I'm going to have to find it and take it out dong ma?" He asked, already reaching for his hypodermic gun.
"Do ya hafta knock me out?" Jayne asked, clearly in pain but unwilling to give in.
"It won't take long, I promise." Simon reassured him.
"I will wake up won't I?" He asked, frowning as Simon put the tranquliser to his neck and pulled the trigger.
"Yes Jayne, I promise you will wake up." Simon answered, patting his shoulder softly as the drugs took effect.
"I knew that our luck was too good to last." Wash muttered as he entered the Infirmary to find his wife.
Zoë put an arm around him and kissed his cheek. "It's not serious, plus we still got paid." She smiled, holding up the coin bag.
"Do you need anyone to help you Simon?" Kaylee asked, watching as Simon found his tweezers and scalpel. Simon spared them a brief glance. "No thanks Kaylee, this will only take me a few minutes, it's a straightforward operation."
Kaylee nodded and left the room, followed by Zoë, Wash and Book.
"Give us a call when you're finished." Zoë told him. "Meantime we'll let Inara know that she can come back as soon as she's finished."
Simon didn't answer them, too busy concentrating on Jayne's arm, and they left him to it. No one noticed as River watched her brother from one of the Infirmary windows.
"Jayne will see gold, green and blue soon too." She whispered, before wandering off once more.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Mal walked back down towards Serenity, detouring through the paddocks to make sure the horses were all happy and fed. He grinned as Old Bess came and nuzzled him, saying hello in her own special way.
"Hey girl, how you been?" He asked softly as he gently rubbed her nose. She whinnied in his ear and he laughed. "Yeah, I missed you too." He turned and rubbed her neck a little. "You want me to take you for a ride again tomorrow?" he asked. The old horse tossed her head at him and he laughed again. "I'll take that as a yes." He replied. Stroking her once more he left, heading back to Serenity.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Jayne woke up in the Infirmary with the sense that someone was watching him. He opened his eyes and saw River leaning over him, her hair trailing about her face and nearly reaching his chest.
"Hey girl." He groaned. "Whatcha lookin' at?" He asked.
She smiled and pressed her hand against his chest, feeling the rise and fall
of his breathing.
"You see Mal." She whispered. "Inside."
"Huh?" He asked, confused and still groggy from the anaesthetic.
"When you close your eyes and look inside, it's him in your heart. I can see it. You and him in the pretty hotel room where no one could see." She grinned and twirled on the spot.
"No walls. All gone. Just two as one."
"Girl you're crazy if you think that..." He blustered, but she stopped him by going over to Mal and picking up his hand.
"His hands on you. Rough and smooth, gentle and hard. He forgot to be Captain and you forgot to be hired man, and you were both just you." She smiled sadly.
"He didn't want to go away. But he couldn't stay any longer, it hurt too much. He went, just for a little while, just till you came for him; because he knew you would." She shook her head, hair flying around before lifting his fingers and pressing a kiss to his knuckles.
"But the pain found him and he had to go deeper, had to let go or else it would've broken him, killed him. And now he's lost in his world of gold and green and blue. Waiting. Waiting for you. But he's forgotten, only knows that he's waiting." She looked at Jayne, completely lucid for once. "Unless you find him there and bring him back, he will never return to you."
Jayne looked at her, shock on his face. He wasn't sure which scared him most. The fact that she said so much; or the fact that he pretty much understood what she was saying. He knew that place inside where you went when it hurt too much, he had found it years ago. But he had never had call to go too deep, it had never gotten to that point. He climbed unsteadily to his feet and staggered over to Mal's bed. River moved to one side, holding Mal's hand for him to take.
Jayne took it, his other hand gently tracing the contours on Mal's face.
"How do I find him River? How do I bring him back?"
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Mal urged Old Bess faster as he galloped over the green pastures, smiling widely at the feeling of the wind in his hair. He missed this, missed being free with no cares to speak of, no worries to fret over. He reined Bess to a halt at the top of the ridge, looking back across the lush green pastures of home. He could see Serenity, metal shining in the sunlight, calling him like a beacon, but he ignored it for now- it was much too beautiful to be inside right now.
Turning Bess to face in the opposite direction, Mal urged her to a canter once more, letting out a whoop of pure joy as she sped across the ridge.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Jayne wasn't rightly sure what he was doing, only that he needed to do it. Watching Mal wasting away in front of him, without a way to stop it was killing him surer then any bullet could.
He still thought that he had to be about as moon-brained as the girl, trusting her and her strange ways, but Jayne had tried everything else, and nothing had worked. At least River seemed to know what she was talking about, which was more than her brother did.
That was the only reason; he told himself. The only possible explanation why he was carrying Mal down to his bunk in the dead of night, with River leading the way.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Mal led Bess back to the stables, carefully removing her saddle and tack before rubbing her down. She playfully nuzzled his rear when he bent over for the brush, and he spun around with a startled "Hey!"
She whinnied, laughter in her intelligent eyes.
"Now that's not nice woman." He told his horse. "A smart woman knows not to bite the hand that feeds her." He warned with a grin. Bess simply ignored him and walked into the barn, finding the hay left for her and starting to eat it.
"Well, ain't that just like a woman." Mal muttered still smiling. "Lets a man fuss over her and then just turns her back on him."
Putting everything away Mal yawned, looking up to see the sky turning orange and purple once more.
"Time ta get me some food and sleep too." He told himself, before heading back towards Serenity.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Jayne settled Mal down in his bed before moving back, watching as River fussed over him for a minute. When she was satisfied she turned back to Jayne, urging him to climb into the bunk with Mal and pull him into his arms.
"River, you sure this is gonna work?" He asked, confused.
"It will work and you will be together again. Just trust yourself and remember that you need to come back." She told him with a smile. "Oh! And mind your step." She added cryptically "Now close your eyes."
Jayne glared at her for a minute before following her order.
Once Jayne had settled River started humming to herself, a soothing sound that soon had Jayne drifting off to sleep. Once she saw the sign that he was in REM sleep she began, firstly by locking the door to Mal's bunk and disabling the override code from inside- it wouldn't do for them to be disturbed before they were ready.
Moving back to the couple on the bed she tilted her head, smiling at the contrasts between them. They looked so different, but together like this she could see it, could see that they were two parts of a whole. She frowned at the pain she could feel from Jayne. He had to find Mal, he just had to.
Stepping closer still she gently settled a hand on each of their heads, still humming softly as she tried to make it work. Suddenly she smiled and stepped back, before sitting herself indian-style on the floor and waiting.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Jayne frowned and opened his eyes. He was still in Mal's bunk on Serenity, but now he was alone.
"Gorramit. That's what I get for trusting that crazy moon-brained girl." He grumbled.
Climbing out of the bed he looked around, startled to not see Mal anywhere in sight; and it was too damn quiet too.
Took him a few moments before he realised why- Serenity was completely shut down, not a whisper of sound from her engine. Suddenly panicked, Jayne quickly climbed up the ladder, startled to see the daylight coming in through the bridge portholes.
"Zoë? Wash?" He called, heading up onto the bridge. "This ain't funny."
He walked up to the windows, and looked outside at the brilliant blue sky and green fields surrounding him.
"Wo de ma!" He muttered under his breath. "Where the hell are we?"
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
The next morning, Simon walked into the Infirmary, expecting to see both Jayne and Mal still in there. It took him a second to process the fact that they weren't, before he ran back towards the bridge.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Jayne had searched the ship from top to bottom, and there was no-one on board. Everything looked fine; no signs of any kind of a struggle or violence, yet the whole place was deserted.
Deciding there was nothing for it, Jayne headed outside, looking for anything that could give him an explanation.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Zoë, Wash, Kaylee, Inara and Book all helped Simon look for River, Jayne and Mal. Typically the last place they looked was the bunks, quickly discovering that the doorway to Mal's cabin was locked from the inside, and that the override wasn't working.
Kaylee went back to the engine room for some tools to see if she could override the override, whilst everyone else stood around speculating as to why they were in there, and just what they were doing.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
As soon as Jayne stepped out onto the planet he could feel everything shift into focus. He stared, awed by the golden sun in the blue sky, and the green fields for as far as the eye could see.
It took him a moment to realise, but then River's words echoed in his head.
'Seeing gold and blue and green.'
"Whaddya know?" He muttered to himself, chuckling. "It actually worked!"
Satisfied now that he was in the right place, Jayne looked for any sign of his lover.
"Mal?" he yelled.
But only stillness answered him.
Frowning a little, Jayne closed his eyes and trusted, just like River said. He smiled. Then he opened his eyes and started walking.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Zoë watched as Kaylee sat back from the control panel with a sigh.
"I'm sorry Zoë." She cried, wiping her hair back from her forehead. "Whatever they've gone done to that panel, I can't work it out. I can't make it open."
Zoë crouched down to Kaylee and brushed a smudge of dirt off of her cheek. "Shh. Don't worry Kaylee, It's not your fault." She soothed. "Why don't you go on back to the kitchen and get something to eat and drink, you've been at that for ages, a little while longer won't hurt."
Kaylee sniffled and nodded before scooting off to the kitchen.
Zoë stood and turned to Book, who was standing behind her.
"Is there a way to get in?" He asked.
Zoë shook her head. "Not that I know of. But then I'm not so sure that it's a problem in the first place." She added.
Book looked at her in confusion.
"River's been going on for weeks about Mal being gone, and Simon and I think she might be right. If you hurt someone enough, sometimes they can retreat into themselves; go somewhere the pain can't find them."
Book nodded in agreement. "I have seen this before. You think that the Captain has retreated like this?"
Zoë shrugged. "I don't know for sure, I'm no Doctor, but Simon's been looking it up and it sure as hell seems to fit."
"And that's what River's been trying to tell us." Book realised.
"That's about the long and short of it." Zoë agreed. "So the way I look at it, she knows something, and she's got Jayne to help her try it out. They've not been in there that long; and there's running water in there at the very least, so we don't really need to worry about them that much. Mal's pretty much healed, so Simon don't have to worry about that none, and River must've locked them in there for a reason, or else she wouldn't have bothered." Zoë shrugged again before moving away from the door.
"I figure she means for us to leave them alone for a while, that busting in is going to make a problem. So until it becomes a problem that they're in there, I say we leave them be."
Book nodded, agreeing with Zoë's logic, and they both moved into the kitchen to inform the others what was going on.
Below them, in Mal's room, River smiled.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Jayne came across a paddock of horses, surprised to see one already saddled for riding. Deciding it was as good a way to find Mal as any, Jayne walked up to the docile animal and mounted the saddle, somehow not surprised that the horse started to head in the direction he wanted, without even being prompted.
"Mal, you have one weird brain." He muttered, smiling despite himself as his horse tossed its head as if in complete agreement with him.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
"But Zoë- it's not going to hurt Mal by leaving him there is it?" Inara asked with a frown.
Zoë looked at Simon to answer; it was his field of expertise.
"Actually no Inara." He replied, "Not in the short term. If they were locked in there for several days without me being able to administer the intravenous nutrients to the Captain we would need to do something, but I tend to agree with Zoë, at the moment it's not going to hurt."
"You're sure?" She asked again, concern covering her features.
Wash shoot a look at his wife, he knew that she didn't like the way that Inara kept sniffing after Mal even when he was with Jayne. It rubbed Zoë up the wrong way how she thought that Mal deserved better. As far as Zoë was concerned it wasn't Inara's choice. He squeezed her thigh gently and she looked at him with a smile.
"We're sure." She stood up, catching Wash's hand and pulling him up with her. "Now, we need to go and get ready to break atmo so that you can go and meet up with your client." She told her as she walked towards the bridge.
"You'd better go get yourself ready Inara, we'll just drop you and then we'll be off to keep our own meeting, we'll be back in plenty of time to pick you up." He smiled at her before following Zoë, leaving Inara and the others behind.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Jayne scanned the horizon for any sign of life as he let the horse lead him to where he wanted to be, but all he could see was more fields, leading off towards mountain ranges on all sides. He looked back and realised that they had slowly been climbing a hill, and he looked again to see if he could see where the top was.
It only took about another 10 minutes to reach it, and the horse stopped at the top, allowing Jayne to look down the bank at the other side. The way down was much steeper, too steep for a horse to navigate safely, with a river running through the bottom, shining silver in the sunlight.
"Well." Jayne spoke to the horse. "Looks like this is where I get off." He patted the horse and dismounted. He stopped what he was doing and looked up. "I can't believe I'm talking to a horse." He looked back at the horse, who was regarding him silently. "No offence." Then he turned and picked out what looked like the safest way down before starting off.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Zoë and Wash watched from the bridge as Inara's shuttle headed towards the surface. Wash turned to look at his wife.
"You okay?" He asked, knowing that the combination of worry for Mal and the pressure of holding everything together until he woke up was getting to her.
She sighed and relaxed, letting Wash pull her onto his lap.
"I'll be better as soon as Mal wakes up." She admitted, ruffling Wash's hair gently.
"I think you've been doing a great job." Wash grinned, squeezing her affectionately.
"You're biased." She told him, finally cracking a grin.
"Shepherd!" Wash called out behind him. "Don't you think Zoë's been doing a great job?"
Shepherd Book popped his head through the entranceway with a smile. "You've been doing an admirable job Zoë." He informed her. "It is not easy to lead, especially these crew, but you have done it with courage and belief. Mal will be proud of you when he wakes up."
Zoë looked between her smiling husband and the Shepherd's open and calm face and felt a load lift from her shoulders.
"Thank you." She told them simply.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Jayne climbed down the steep face, trying not to dislodge too much of the loose scree on the side and lose his footing. He could see another figure by the river, and it warmed him. He knew without a doubt that it was Mal, and he hurried himself along, eager to see his lover's face once more.
So intent was he on getting down, that he missed his footing and slipped, letting out a yell as he rolled the rest of the way down the slope.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
In Mal's cabin, River rolled her eyes.
"I told you to mind your step." She muttered.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Jayne opened his eyes and winced as the bright sunlight hurt his eyes.
All of a sudden something blocked the light, and he carefully opened one eye to see what was above him.
His other eye popped open and a grin split his face as he recognised the silhouetted form above him.
"Hey you." He smiled.
"Jayne." Mal replied, holding out a hand to help Jayne sit up. "What are ya doin' here?" He asked.
"Me? I'm here lookin' for you. What are you doin' here?" He asked.
Mal looked around himself, slightly confused. "I live here don't I?"
Jayne shook his head. "No you don't Mal, you live on Serenity."
"Yeah, and she's back thataway." Mal informed him, gesturing back the way Jayne had come.
"I know she is." Jayne replied. "But that ain't the real Serenity. The real one's up in the black, with me 'n Zoë 'n Kaylee 'n all the rest on board. This here's a fi... fig... figmy... it's all in your head Mal. None of it's real."
"It is too real." Mal insisted, standing. "This here's my home. I remember every detail, every tree, every horse on this damn land. The only thing that don't fit here is you."
Jayne stood up gingerly and moved after Mal, catching him and spinning him around.
"Mal! It's not real. You left here to fight the war, remember. And when you came back there was nothing left. You told me that all the land had been taken away and all the horses sold after your Mammy was killed." He tried to remind him. "This isn't home for you anymore Mal. It's just a memory in your brain."
Mal pulled away. "If that's true then how come I'm here?" He asked, crossing his arms.
"‘Cause you were waiting." Jayne told him, remembering what River told him. "A deal went south and you got snatched. Me 'n Zoë came after ya, but it took us two days to find ya. The guy that had ya, he wanted to send a message that he weren't to be taken lightly, so he killed Renshaw and hurt you. Hurt you real bad. But you wouldn't break for him, so you did the only thing you could; you came here until me and Zoë came and got you out.
Mal had wrapped his arms around himself, pain contorting his face and Jayne stepped closer, ignoring Mal's weak struggles and pulling him close.
"It's safe now Mal." Jayne whispered to him softly. "Me and Zoë, we came and found you, got you out of there and back on Serenity. We got you back home."
"Knew you would." Mal whispered back, letting Jayne's strong presence comfort him.
"I'll always find you Mal." Jayne told him seriously.
Mal looked up at him and smiled softly. Jayne smiled back and pulled him into a kiss. Mal let him in readily, and for a moment it was perfect, just the two of them together, as it should be. When they opened their eyes, they were stood at the bottom of the ramp to Serenity.
Mal looked around, confused, but Jayne just smiled. "I wasn't looking forward to the walk back anyhow." He grinned. Holding out his hand, he waited until Mal took it before pulling him onboard and closing the doors behind them.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Simon paced around the Infirmary, unable to settle. He knew in his heart that River, Jayne and Mal were fine, but his head wasn't getting the message.
"Silly Simon." River giggled from outside the door.
"River!" He exclaimed, jumping. "You're out, are you okay? Are they? Let me grab my bag and I'll go check on them." He babbled until River caught his arm.
"Not yet. They're not ready. But they will be soon." She smiled. "They don't need me, only needed me to get them there. So I left."
"You left them locked in there?" He asked, surprised.
"Yes. They'll be fine now. Just need time. They'll come back soon." She promised.
Simon sighed and stopped, pulling River into his arms. "It'll be okay?" He asked. She just nodded. "Okay." He agreed.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Jayne led Mal down into his bunk, pulling the door closed behind him and gently pushing him over to the bed.
"Jayne?" Mal questioned him as he let Jayne push him till he was sitting.
"Wha?"
"Are you sure this ain't all real?" He asked. Jayne stopped what he was doing and looked at him.
"Before being here, what's the last thing you remember?" He asked.
Mal stopped and thought about it for a moment before gasping and jerking.
"Pain!" He gasped out through clenched teeth.
"Ah shit!" Jayne cursed before pulling Mal into his arms. "Mal. Mal!" He yelled, trying to hold him still. Mal jerked once more before going completely limp.
"Tianna." Jayne cursed, lifting Mal easily and settling him back on the bed before climbing on with him and holding him close.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
"You're sure they're okay?" Kaylee asked River.
"Shiny." River replied, getting fed up of being asked the same question.
"But you won't open the door for us?" Book enquired.
"They're not ready. They'll come back when they're ready." She told them.
"You're sure?" Simon asked.
River just rolled her eyes.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Mal woke to feel himself pressed against a strong chest, a hand running gently through his hair.
"Mal? You okay?" Jayne asked, pulling Mal's head back gently so he could look at his face.
Mal reached up and caught Jayne's hand in his own, squeezing it gently. "Am now." He smiled, before leaning up and claiming Jayne's lips with his own.
Jayne groaned into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Mal and pulling him close. It'd been too long since they were together like this, and he missed it like hell.
Mal pulled back far enough that he could pull at Jayne's t-shirt, tugging at it until he got the message and pulled it off before going straight back to the kissing. Jayne had more trouble, trying to get Mal out of his suspenders and undoing his shirt as well.
They didn't let go until they were both gasping for air, before finally pulling back and looking at each other.
"Missed ya Mal." Jayne blurted out, looking down right shocked at his own admission before looking away. Mal was pretty shocked too, but held his tongue, instead looking down to see what had Jayne so fascinated.
"Tianna" He breathed, spotting the pink healing scar across his abdomen. "What in the hell?" He asked. Jayne stopped tracing the scar with his fingers and looked at Mal.
"He hurt you." Jayne spoke solemnly.
Mal shuddered as more memories tried to break free. "Can't." He gasped, clutching his head.
"Mal. Don't go crazy on me again, y'hear me?" Jayne shook him harder than he meant to, before pulling Mal close.
"I got ya Mal. I got ya." He whispered, feeling the hot tears hit his skin.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Simon stood on the bridge with Zoë and Wash, but glanced back every few minutes for any sign of movement in the Captain's cabin.
"Simon stop it." Wash admonished him. "If you keep watching and waiting for them it'll feel like it takes longer."
Simon sighed. "I know, but I just feel so... helpless."
"Simon." Zoë spoke, waiting until he turned and gave her his full attention. "You've done more than any of us. You saved Mal's life, fixed him up and took care of him when none of the rest of us would've been able to. And then you found a way to help Jayne by letting him take over the physiotherapy. You do realise that just being able to do that has kept Jayne mostly sane through all of this don't you?"
Simon shrugged. "At the time, I was more worried about him killing me because I was touching his man." He admitted. "But afterwards yes, I could see how much it meant to him."
"It has kept him strong." She told him. "And now it's time for Jayne to take that strength and help Mal. I don't know how River knows what she knows, or how it's all gonna work, but I believe that if anyone can bring Mal back from this it's Jayne, and that's not a slight on you or anyone else on this crew. It's simply a statement of fact. Whether he knows it or not, no-one on this boat knows Mal better than Jayne does, because no-one else, me included, has ever got that close to him."
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
It didn't take long for Mal to get himself under control, and Jayne waited until he was ready before trying to move. He was surprised to feel Mal's wet tongue on his nipple, and arched in pleasure before he could control it.
"Mal?" Jayne panted harshly as he felt a nip on his other nipple. Mal stopped for a moment before pulling back and looking at Jayne, his expression pained.
"Make me feel somethin' else Jayne." He pleaded. "Take away the pain."
Jayne looked at him for a moment, unsure. He wanted to do it more than anything, but wasn't sure if it was the best idea in the world. Mal saw the conflict and spoke.
"We can deal with the rest of the go se later, but right now, I've gotta feel ya, you gotta make me feel real."
Jayne made up his mind and nodded, pulling Mal back into a kiss.
"You's real Mal." He told him, breaking free and reaching for his pants. "You's the realest thing in my life."
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Kaylee found the Shepherd preparing dinner in the kitchen. She looked at all the place settings and realised he'd set one each for Mal and Jayne as well.
"Shepherd?" She questioned, touching the back of Mal's chair gently. "You's really think that they're gonna be here for dinner?" She asked.
"Yes child." He answered, I believe they will be."
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Jayne groaned in pleasure as Mal rolled on top of him, their naked cocks finally touching without barriers. Jayne dug his heels into the bed and arched up as Mal pushed down, both of them moaning at the pleasure bolts rolling through them.
"Jesus Mal." Jayne groaned. "Been too long, too good." He moaned, thrusting up harder.
"Tianna, me too." Mal agreed, speeding up his thrusts. "Close."
He grunted, squeezing his eyes shut.
"Fuck yeah." Jayne agreed, grabbing Mal's butt and squeezing him
closer. As his rough fingers found and parted Mal's cheeks, it was enough
to send Mal over the edge with a yell.
Jayne felt Mal's shuddering release against him, his hot come landing on his own stomach and cock. A few more frantic thrusts and he let himself go as well, collapsing down onto the bed as Mal's limp form fell on top of him.
"Jasus." Jayne wheezed, still breathing heavily. Mal grinned into his neck.
"Hope you're not tired Jayne, cos I'm just getting started." Mal warned, circling his hips a little, making Jayne's cock twitch with renewed interest.
"Whattya doin' to me Mal?" Jayne asked, "Cos whatever it is don't stop!"
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
River pressed her palm flat against the doorway to Mal's bunk, hiding her smile behind her hair as Simon watched her from the bridge as if by touching the door it would open for her.
She instead concentrated on something only she could hear and let her smile grow wider.
"Soon." She whispered, before spinning around and running off.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Jayne grabbed onto one of Mal's hands, helping him to balance as he resettled himself above him. He groaned as Mal reached behind himself and took hold of Jayne's cock, positioning it whilst he eased himself down, both moaning as they felt Jayne slid fully inside.
"Fuck Mal." Jayne breathed, fighting the urge to thrust before Mal gave the signal that he was alright.
"We are." Mal told him with a crooked grin.
"Hundan." Jayne muttered, without malice.
"Love ya too." Mal replied, shifting his hips.
"Tianna." Jayne swore, feeling Mal rise and fall back on him minutely.
"That's it." Mal hissed, starting up a slow and easy rhythm that Jayne quickly matched.
"Mal" Jayne whined, needing Mal to stop torturing him with the slow pace.
"I know." Mal agreed, shifting his movements up a gear and leaning down to capture Jayne's lips once more.
"Gonna make you scream." Jayne muttered, releasing Mal's hands and instead grabbing hold of his hips, taking control.
"I've no doubt." Mal agreed, releasing Jayne's lips and instead licking and biting at his ear.
Mal let go and arched as Jayne changed the angle just right to hit his sweet spot, holding him down and pummelling it repeatedly once he'd found it.
Mal's eyes were wide, his breath coming in pants and whines that Jayne found addictive. Hell, everything about Mal made him want more, right down to the way he bossed him around. Not that he'd ever tell Mal that, or he'd do it even more, and Jayne wasn't entirely sure that he'd like it then so much.
He felt his nipple being tweaked and refocused on Mal, who was by now sweating and shaking with effort as he moved up and down on Jayne's cock.
"I like my partners here with me." He explained, twisting his hips just so, making Jayne see stars.
"Shit I'm close already." Mal warned, arching up and slamming back down again.
"Let it go Mal." Jayne urged; pushing back up just as hard and giving rough stroked to Mal's cock.
Mal slammed back down a few more times before his whole body went rigid, his cock releasing onto Jayne's hand and chest before collapsing once more.
Jayne was still hard inside him, so he gathered Mal into his arms and quickly rolled them over, not easy in the narrow bunk, but something Jayne had perfected over time.
Pinning Mal beneath him but careful not to squash him, Jayne arranged Mal's legs so that they gave him plenty of room before propping his weight on his arms and pounding into Mal once more.
Mal moaned and twitched beneath him, reaching up enough to run his fingers through Jayne's hair, tugging at the short strands.
It didn't take long for Jayne to reach the edge once more, and he leaned down and fucked Mal's mouth with his tongue as he spurted long and hard deep into Mal, who shuddered as well.
Allowing himself to fall slightly to one side of Mal, Jayne groaned and kissed Mal softly before hauling him close, so that Mal was mostly draped over him, both settling down to sleep.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Shepherd stirred the food, smiling at the aroma that assaulted his nostrils. Mal had always liked this dish, or so he had told Book once in a roundabout way. Shepherd found it appropriate.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Jayne groaned as he woke, blinking the sleep from his eyes. Mal was plastered on top of him, still lost in sleep.
As Jayne moved, trying to ease out from beneath he frowned, something felt different.
Mal moaned as Jayne's movement woke him, and rolled onto his side, opening his eyes and looking at him questioningly.
Jayne swung his legs onto the floor and stood up, immediately realising what the difference was.
"Hey! You're back." He told Mal, spinning around and grinning at him.
Mal was still dozy and merely looked at him. "Hunh?"
"We're back on Serenity, the real one." Jayne explained. "I can feel her engine hummin'" He grinned.
Mal moved and rested his hand on the bulkhead, feeling the difference immediately. "So it is." He agreed.
Jayne looked around the cabin, searching for River.
"They must be leavin' us alone cos 'f River." He stopped and returned to Mal.
"You okay?" He asked, concerned.
Mal looked up at him and smiled. "Shiny."
The scent of Shepherd Book's special casserole assaulted them both at the same time and they smiled, Mal turning and starting to get up, only to be stopped by a sharp pain.
"Ow. Damn." Mal grimaced, and Jayne stopped putting on his clothes to look as well.
For the first time, Mal could see the damage inflicted on him before Zoë and Jayne had found him. He fingered the fading scars gently, a frown on his face.
"The Doc went and patched you up, says you shouldn’t really scar much either. He gone done a good job ain't he?" Jayne told him.
"These ain't fresh." Mal pointed out.
"Nope." Jayne agreed.
"How long?"
"Was you out?" Jayne finished. Mal nodded. "I weren't exactly counting to the day or nothing, but it's been more 'n a month since we found you." Jayne told him.
"Zoë's been handling stuff for ya, and we've kept a low profile so no-one knew you weren't about."
Mal looked up and noticed the bandage on Jayne's arm for the first time as well. Jayne saw the direction of his gaze and shrugged.
"I said we kept a low profile, not that we stopped all together. And whaddya know; it ain't just you that gets shot at. They do it when it's just me 'n Zoë too." He grinned.
Mal smiled and stood, catching himself immediately and falling back down with the weakness in his body.
"You gotta be careful." Jayne told him, handing him his clothes. "Doc says your muscles have tropied some, so you'll be weak till you get them back up."
"Doc ain't kiddin'" Mal agreed. "Guess getting some food in me will be a good start?" He smiled, letting it turn into a full grin as Jayne came over and helped him finish dressing.
"Guess you're right at that." He admitted. Smiling, he held out a hand for Mal, who took it readily and let him pull him across to the hatch. Jayne grinned and snuck in a quick kiss before pushing in the code that River had stuck next to the datapad.
The door opened with a clank, and Jayne and Mal barely got themselves up into the passageway before they were accosted by the rest of a very happy crew.
'It's good to be home.' Mal thought to himself with a smile, glancing back at the bridge to see the black spread out in front of him.
'It's really good to be home.'
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